Eddy: An Inside Look on Failure

Now we all know that Eddy is constantly coming up with various schemes (scams) in attempts to make a pretty penny. Some of us may have even fallen into the trap of paying him a quarter to partake in said schemes. There are certain consistencies which must be pointed out when evaluating his skills, notably: they each cost a quarter, they are each for the end result of attaining the ability to purchase a jawbreaker, and finally, they all fail. So why does Eddy continue to plot and scheme? And whose fault is it really that he keeps failing? Let’s take a closer look.

Those of us who have popped by the Cul de Sac every now and again may have seen such notable scams by Eddy as Ed Land or or Eds’ Pesky Problem Fixers, or other scams that seemed to not work out in some way. But can you really blame Eddy for these mishaps? I mean his first scam ever, capturing the Serial Toucher, and attaining a full jar of quarters, which they then spent on the oft-sought jawbreakers. Perhaps this initial success caused Eddy to think he was going somewhere in this world. Moreover, Jonny came by later and knocked the jawbreakers out of their mouths, denying them complete satisfaction from their favorite candy; perhaps this was impetus to repeat actions and gain more money. On another note, often times the reason for failure wasn’t in Eddy’s design but a result of either Ed’s stupidity or being foiled by the Kanker sisters.

Put yourself in Eddy’s shoes for just a second and consider the following: would you give up? No, probably not, and here is why. First off, jawbreakers, in Eddy’s opinion, are like the nectar of the gods, and in every way the most prized possession, you have to find SOME way to get them, nay? Second, people  constantly show up and give into his scams. Eddy builds a roller coaster, people ride it. Eddy offers repair services, people trust him. The list goes on. Why did the kids in the Cul de Sac trust that maybe one of these scams was going to be legitimate? Were they even his friends? Seriously were they hanging out with him or was he hanging out with them? Think about it. There is no way they were doing it to make him feel good, no one wanted that. They kept showing up though. So, in Eddy’s mind, perhaps he persevered because he felt that he could get it right some time, and that it was never his fault that his scams didn’t work. Evidently, some of the failures were his own fault, but you have to consider his mind set.

You have to wonder why Eddy didn’t seek any other methods to attain money. You’d think that a twelve year old could strike up a deal with his parents to do a certain amount of chores for some money. There has got to be house work lying around and all he was really looking for was a quarter. I mean, I do not have the data on the financial status of his parents and do not want to make any forced assumptions, but you’d think they would have a quarter lying around somewhere. Speaking of which, I’m sure he could have found a quarter lying around the house in a corner or beneath a couch somewhere in the time he spent making his crazy schemes. Again, another assumption, maybe his family kept real good care of their change.

Look, clearly there was a higher motive here. The various stands, attractions, rides etc go further than the 25 cents for the jawbreakers. There is something much deeper. Eddy clearly has some psychological problems rooted in his past that cause him to want all the money in the world. He thinks money gives you power equates success (maybe it does, who am I to say, but that is all he cares about). But why this obsession? Well part of it is that Eddy clearly suffers from a Napoleon Complex. He is an extremely short man that needs to make up for his lack of height in another way. I mean the kid actually has not grown a centimeter since he was 8. Four years the same height. That can’t be fun. Furthermore, it’s gotta be hard to fill the shoes of his older brother. While very little is known about him, it is clear that Eddy’s older brother was in every way the man. He was tall, he was tough, and he was popular. He was probably the Kevin of his generation, maybe even cooler. So there’s a strong possibility that Eddy’s schemes are attempts to either impress his brother, or equate his status. Whatever the reason, Eddy has a character and a situation in which he is constantly doomed to fail. Hopefully one day he will find his way. Plus I hope he realizes that when he is applying to college later in life he can say that he started several of his own companies. Application booster right there.

Jawbreakers aren’t even that good. I mean maybe they;re good for a little bit, but the size they eat. Those things are disgusting after about 5 minutes, and THOSE jawbreakers must take days to finish. The fact that they only cost 25 cents is a pretty good deal all things considered. Also we all agree that Nazz was kind of hot right?

~Little Spoon

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