Fat Actors Need to Stay Fat…For Everyone’s Sake


There has been a phenomenon brewing in Hollywood over the last few years that has me mad and annoyed. Namely, fat actors losing weight. We most recently saw it on Entourage, where Turtle went from the lovable, coattail riding fat-boy to the skinny, possibly cancer stricken nerd. This nonsense has become sort of a trend of late, even though it is terribly misguided. Many of these actors get hired on to television programs because they are fat, funny and endearing. Props to them for playing the cards they were dealt. But then, as if out of nowhere, they decide to get serious about acting and lose a ton of weight. This is not good for anyone, including the viewers and the actor’s career.

Probably the most famous case is Josh Peck. You know him from his days on The Amanda Show, and more famously when he co-starred on Drake & Josh. This is the perfect example of what I am talking about. Josh was hilarious as the fat kid, often messing up and looking like a huge loser next to his uber-popular and totally good looking half-brother Drake. This dynamic actually made this show sneaky funny. Like in one of those, “I just got home from school and Pardon the Interruption doesn’t start for an hour, and the only other options are The Gilmore Girls on ABC Family and That’s So Raven on Disney, so two episodes of Drake & Josh couldn’t hurt,” kind of ways.

But then Josh got a little too into his acting career and decided to lose 110 pounds, grow his hair out and get an earring. Joshy boy did this in about a year, and he transformed into a full on D-Bag extraordinaire (Perfect example was the half mustache fiasco trying to get a kiss from the always despicable Mindy Crenshaw. Just terrible television). He basically pulled a Little Spoon, except LS did this over the course of 18 years.

Was it worth it? I say nay. Fat Josh provided significantly better acting than Skinny Douche Josh. I did some light research (Wikipedia) and found out there is science to back these assertions. Fat Josh gave us The Amanda Show, Drake & Josh and the cult classic Snow Day. He then gave one of the most memorable performances in recent memory, starring as Robe in the iconic Max Keeble’s Big Move. He was even featured in a movie called Spun, where his character’s name is Fat Boy. Can’t make this stuff up.

Skinny Douche Josh gave us three forgettable Drake & Josh TV movies (Drake & Josh Go to Hollywood was his skinny coming out party. I puked when I saw it). Aaaand that’s it. Like actually nothing. Just committing Hollywood suicide. He should honestly pack the pounds back on and maybe they’ll make Max Keeble’s Big Move 2: Robe Moves into College and Gets Beat up by His RA on Move-In Day In Front of His Parents. I would pay top dollar to watch that in theatres.

Regardless, Josh is not the only one who went down this path, no no. Who could forget the weight loss gruesome twosome of Zach and Cody? I understand they have real names, but I actually hate them so much that I refuse to look it up. These little losers were fat on Zach and Cody: The Suite Life, then lost the chub for Zach and Cody: Suite Life on Deck. They went from kind of sloppy funny (mostly sloppy) to hipster bro douche losers who think skinny jeans and Danimal Crush Cups are cool.

Now, they are a much different case then Josh, because even when they were fat, they were not funny. Not funny fat, not funny skinny, so where to go? Consider this: the only solid contribution these twins made to Hollywood was when they were 7 and starred in Big Daddy with Adam Sandler. All downhill from there. So while Josh should get fat, Zach and Cody should look into some Benjamin Button voodoo magic. We have already talked about these kids way too much, and I’ve puked three times, so I’m moving on.

The moral of the story is, if you were hired to be a funny fat person, stick with it. Turtle from Entourage had such a sweet life: one of the main characters on the best show on TV (ignoring the last 3 seasons of course), hooking up with a certified babe (Jamie Lynn Sigler) and being regarded as a true boss hog. He is now skinny, no longer on Entourage, no longer dating Jamie, and now only appears in bad video game commercials. Even Johnny Drama got his own show, and he is a terrible actor. Yikes.

Basically, Josh and Turtle need to get on the cruise that Harold Berman went on. Harold went on to lose weight and came back fatter than ever. I know it’s not perfect, but it’s a start. Also Zach and Cody should probably never be hired again.

– Ya Boy

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