Who Would You Rather? Lizze Vs. Zenon

Just casually pitting the two finest girls on television against each other. This is a toughie, straight up. This one on one match is strictly for their looks when they were struttin around on Disney Channel, aka what they look like today doesn’t count (but both are pretty smokin now so…). Lizzie McGuire vs. Zenon Girl of the 21st Century. God damn.

Zenon first hit the airwaves in 1999, with Lizzie coming around in 2001. Both ended their impressive runs in 2004, so 5 glorious years of hot babes teasing us and invading our dreams. I feel like at the time Lizzie was more popular, but I mean she had a clear cut advantage, being that she had a show that was on every day. But I’ll argue that Zenon had an advantage herself because Disney Channel Original Movies received a lot of hype back then, so the anticipation factor was in play. No doubt, these chicks were 1 and 2 in Disney, and are quite possibly the hottest to ever grace our TV screens (I see you Selena Gomez, but I like my girls without baby faces, sorry I’m not sorry).

Starting out, I’d give Zenon the edge. In her first flick, she was cute, rocked that double pony tail look, and wore that short skirt that had Big Walt turning over in his grave. Lizzie, to be honest, came out as a little nerdy, a little chubby looking. (Sidebar: How do producers of these TV shows pick these girls? Do they just pick them young and hope they turn into babes? I mean, Lizzie, Topanga and Ren Stevens were average looking at best to start, and turn into certified smokes. Is that luck? Or is there a secret formula? Gotta be luck right? Because I mean, iCarly didn’t turn out so well.)

Anyways, by the time Zenon the Zequel was rolled out, Zenon was drop dead gorgeous. Had that little shoulder length hair cut and the space suits seemed to get even tighter. Now the short skirt and tall boots look was in the mix, and Zenon was straight killin it. She was even getting the attention of intergalactic rockstars, aka Protozoa. Ok Zenon, ok. By the third season, Lizzie was making her name be forced into argument. Pretty quick turnaround for her, for a moment it seemed like Zenon was running away with it. She was now everyday must see television, just a babe you could rely on every day. The outfits were getting a little more trendy, and she finally pulled away from her arch nemeses Kate as hottest girl on the show. In fact, she blew Kate out of the water, who was going through an awkward phase (see: looking very man-like).

Then came Lizzie’s coming out party, the Lizzie Mcguire Movie. Wow. Stop it Lizzie. J murdering it on the big screen. She looked dope as a blonde and a brunette. An international megastar (Pa0lo) wanted her bad, and so did uber-loser/friend zone lifer Gordo. Plus I think Ethan Craft secretly wanted her too. Just had all the boys wanting some of that. She even came around to the short skirt look that we were all waiting for. J killin it. But Z3 came out a year later, and while Zenon was looking fine as ever, I feel like it got overshadowed. And by that I mean because I don’t remember what happened in it. She grew her hair out and got even tighter space outfits. She looked glorious, but Lizzie had just big leagued her by taking her talents to the big screen.

So, who would you rather? Based on that info above, it’s no easy choice. I feel like the audience would be leaning towards Lizzie, because she just slaughtered the big screen. Game over from there. But I’m going with Zenon, with a theory to back up the decision. My theory is that both girls are equally as hot, but Lizzie has the more popularity. Lizzie, naturally, has all the boys crooning over her, while Zenon is getting left behind. But she’s dope! With everyone focused on Lizzie, I feel Zenon would really appreciate me for picking her. More love coming my way. Kind of A Beautiful Mind situation. Plus I’ve been endorsing Zenon since her first movie, so the vested interest is there. Plus she’s dope. They’re both dope really, so it’s a toss-up.

But my girl is Zenon, dibbs.

– YB

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