A Tribute to TV Dads

We here at FDAB tend to appreciate the characters that are truly classic and funny that may go unnoticed by the casual fan or those who thought Avatar: The Last Airbender was enjoyable. One group of characters who go largely unappreciated in our world is TV Dads. There are certain men who deserve the respect and love that the main characters receive. Simply put, these guys are hilarious. FDAB would like to call attention to these patriarchal greats, and give them the attention that they truly deserve.

One of the great cartoon dads that have ever graced the boob tube is Mr. Turner. Most cartoon dads are portrayed as idiotic morons who have a good side and are trying to be the best parent they can be. Nope! Not Mr. Turner! Has there ever been less effort to “be there for your kid” than this guy? He repeatedly leaves Timmy at home with the worst human in the world, blames Timmy for everything, forgets simple things such as his sons name, and does all he can to not be a father figure for Timmy. Some people might mistake this as bad parenting, but we here at FDAB view it as pure gold. I mean, you know you’re ignoring your son when you opt to watch pie bake (emphatically no less) then play a rousing game of surgeon general. Throw in a love of eggnog, an unreasonable loathe for his next door neighbor (DINKLEBERG!) and the fact that his job is “pencil-pusher,” and you have yourself a genius father figure.

Walter Nichols finds a place in this homage due to the fact that he is largely thought of as an afterthought and most of the time the butt end of jokes. But this guy is funny. He is a weatherman who routinely gets the weather wrong (standard) and has managed to break zero ground in connecting with his stepchildren Drake and iCarly. They simply call him Walter. As you saw in Little Spoon’s most recent post, he is a special kind of dumb, such as pronouncing touché as “toosh.” He often picks out the wrong points of stories (how are you gonna make money with lobsters?) and is super clueless to iCarly’s pranks. He provides hilarious comedy, if you know how to find it. Plus he father Josh Nichols, one of the funniest fat kids ever.

Hugh Neutron is a different breed of father. He is an idiot, but loves his family and never puts them in any real danger or trouble. So he is getting props from a pure comedy standpoint. Hugh stands out in a generally unfunny show as the comic relief. The man believes pie to be the best food in the world, with ducks as the best animal. He even works at a car dealership called Mallard Motors. He gives us hilarious rants about nothing, and is often seen telling one of his ducks that it is his favorite one. Even when Jimmy turned his head into a hamster, Hugh laughed about it and carried on with the father son day. Classic Hugh.

Alan Matthews doesn’t fit the mold of some of the previously mentioned father figures. This man is just great. He’s a working man, managing a supermarket and then later running Matthews & Sons Sporting Good and Outdoor Supplies Store. He is short tempered and tends to yell a lot, but it’s all for the greater good and to teach that mischievous Cory a lesson. In a world where Mr. Feeny is the all-knowing wisdom giver, Alan dishes out his fair share of life lessons. Probably one of the better subplots is the fact that he babies Eric so much to the point of turning his son into a lazy, but awesome, piece of crap. The dude was even a boxing champ in the Navy, sooooo ya. What a great man.

 

Is Raymundo doing it or is Raymundo doing it? Peep game right here on Ray Rocket. Mid-forties bachelor, running his own Shore Shack, chills out with Tito, and oh yeah casually fathered two stud extreme athletes like it’s no big deal. I would submit that he is living the dream. Plus his name is Ray Rocket, um ok guy, sick name. He even rolls around town in the vintage Woodie! J living the life of a surfer to the max. I assume this is what Kelly Slater’s life is going to look like in a few years. He tries to teach his kids life lessons, such as banning Otto from a skate competition in favor of washing dishes. But as he knows, you can’t keep a bro from the half pipe. I think the best part is he seems so nonchalant about how ill his kids are. Just assumes they’ll be as filthy as he once was, and keeps on keepin on. Plus, he can sit back and rake in the dough while his kids run show at the X Games. Play on, playa.

The Honorable Phillip Banks is doing it large. I mean this guy is balling out on all levels. He is a Princeton man, with a law degree from Harvard. He’s got a huge crib in Bel-Air, including some sick rides and his own butler. He is a very cultured man, having seen Malcolm X speak and won an Urban Spirit Award for his work at the NAACP. He’s got bangin wife with a smoke show daughter (Ashley, not Hilary. I think Hilary is gross. Ashley is dope though). Uncle Judge worked hard to get where he is, and showed a soft spot by taking an inner city urban youth into his home. He keeps his children in line and is the perfect complement to Big Willie Style. One of the better uncle-nephew comedic relationships we’ve seen.

Steve Stevens is my personal favorite. I mean, I believe him to be the pinnacle of the TV dad. He is a lawyer married to a State Senator, so you know he’s got some bankroll. He was 2/3 on perfect children, with Donnie as the best athlete in the Sacramento area, and Ren as the classic overachieving perfect child. Louis is absolutely hysterical, so overall I’d say Steve comes out with a big W on this one. This man is hilarious, often seen yelling at Louis or pushing Donnie to the next level with funny speeches. Steve had a classic dad-oversight moment when he called out his boss when he thought he was moving to Washington, only to find out he wasn’t. High comedy right there. He even played football for Michigan State! What up Sparty? And, maybe most importantly, his name is Steve Stevens. A guy with a name like that can’t not be funny, amiright?

– Ya Boy

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One thought on “A Tribute to TV Dads

  1. Spot on with this write-up, I really think this website wants far more consideration. I’ll probably be again to learn way more, thanks for that info.
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