Study Tips for That Finals Week

Hey all you people,

Now I ain’t too keen on what our average demographic is (the results haven’t quite come back in yet), but if any of you is like me and is embarking on finals week right quick, you may be lookin’ for some study tips to get you through the week.

So for you out there, who aren’t exactly the smart guys of the bunch, I’ve compiled some examples of how to (and how not to) get yourself prepared to ace those exams of yours.

The Not Study Game:

This method is preferred by the likes of Timmy Turner of Dimmsdale, California . Now this game is quite simple, and lezzzbeeehonest, it’s probably the game you’ve been playing all semester long which is why you so screwed right now, ha? It involves piling up your desk with books  (okay quick time-out, do people actually pull out like all 400 of their books like they do in tv shows like that?) but anyways, once you’ve accomplished this task, you immediately give up, decide to quit, play video games, and there ya have it, you’ve won the Not Study Game.

Those of you with weak constitutions may not want to attempt this bold maneuver. so for those of you who don’t quite have the courage to just screw it and call it quits, I’ve got a list of tips for you.

Tip #1: Avoid Negative Influences

Finals suck, yes, we get it, but that doesn’t mean you should hang out with your biggest distractions. While that may be fun and all, it’s certainly not going to help your grades, and it’s going to keep you up a lot later with that “Oh my god I could have finished this hours ago” feeling essentially all week. As you saw in that most recent example, Cosmo was the most negative influence up in there because he didn’t have a huge test. So naturally he’d like to video game it up. Avoid the Cosmos of the world.

Some of you may have that annoying friend down the hallway who blasts bad techno/dubstep and you can’t handle it. Our boy, Arnold, fell in to this trap when Oskar was kicked out of his room and infiltrated Arnold’s with hella distractions, causing Arnold to fail the next day. If you can’t avoid the peeps in the dorm, hit up the library. (Even those of you who claim to not know where the library is, find it, do it.)

Tip #2: Make A Study Group/Look into Tutoring Options

Working in groups with the right people is a great way to get your study on. Pull a Jeff Winger and ask that cute girl to make a study group, it’s a great, not creepy way to ask for her number. Ohya! (Who knows you may even become friends with Childish Gambino afterwards)

Just because you got a tutor doesn’t make you a Torvald, even Jamie Lynn Spears got a tutor and she’s a mommy now, so she must be doing something right. But on the real, Zoey 101 was classic high school nerd and freaked out when she got a C (not quite as bad as that time that Ren got an F), but anyways she got tutored by Logan who was allegedly a badass, but I never really saw it. Brought her C up to an A, how you like them apples?

Tip #3: Relate that shit to yo’self

So there’s gotta be that one subject out there that you’re dreading more than the rest because for some gd reason you it just doesn’t click for you. Or perhaps your teacher is just the worst. Rid that anger and frustration and try to relate your studies to your life. That’s what Calvin Cambridge, the youngest player in the NBA ever, did. Now this child learned geometry through various historical offenses. “Well this is the Bulls triangle offense, so we’re just giving room for Michael to isolate. Isolate, isosceles. This is an isosceles triangle.” Make it fun make it fresh, be prepared to ace the test.

Tip #4: Mnemonic Devices

People been using this shit for years. Peep Stephanie Tanner in that there spelling bee. This is an example of how not to use these devices. Don’t go and learn one mnemonic (Double the C and double the S, you have success) and expect to know the whole alphabet. THEN don’t go ahead and brag to the reigning champ that you’ve got a whole bunch of mnemonics up your sleeve and not even know how to spell mnemonic. AND one final question on a less related note. How was the first word of this spelling bee “mnemonic” when the final word in Helga’s spelling bee was “qualm”? Seriously, I’d like to see Van Atta Junior High face off against P.S. 118 and see who wins. My money is on San Francisco.

But also if you’re musically inclined, pull a Hannah Montana and write a song to encompass your whole test. I don’t know about you but I don’t have any exams coming up that could be studied for with the help of just one song, but if you do, couldn’t hurt to try. She fit 206 bones into one song, along with a ton of completely unnecessary choreo and extra verses and choruses, so maybe you can too. (Ed. Note: This strategy likely sucks and is also likely a huge time waster, dont do it

Tip #5: Don’t Procrastinate on Take-Homes

You hear that? 800 Words! Sounds like a daunting task to some, but other enthusiasts may say “I’m gonna knock that out right away” Be that person.

It’s easy enough to write the entire header, but if you slip up, you’ll end up with a blank page after 2 hours. That’s okay, try to not focus on how everyone else is having fun, once you finish the essay, you can go join them. Look at Spongebob’s essay entitled “What Not to Do At a Stoplight” for what not to do when doing a take home: Feeding your snail and making a sandwich and lighting candles and drinking water and calling your friends and karate chopping the tv and shooting the breeze with the mailman and falling asleep, etc. All things that should not be done while doing a take home exam. I don’t care how interesting the rye or pumpernickel debate is, the essay is probably more important. (Still wondering if the mailman delivers his own mail, though.) Also check your e-mail to make sure the assignment wasn’t cancelled.

Tip #6: Watch Ned’s

Look I’m just your average third party observer, I’ll admit it. I do not aim to be any expert on the matter, I mean I am busy updating my blog in lieu of studying for my finals, I’m just trying to give you some examples of how our heroes have fared in the past. But if you’re really wondering what to do and how to prepare, do what you would do in any other emergency: Check and see if Ned has any tips in his Declassified School Survival Guide to help you out. His most important one in my opinion “If you fail, don’t overreact” It could be worse, just enjoy your winter break instead.

Also if you know Jimmy Neutron, ask him to give you some book gum so you can chew that and have instant complete knowledge of the material.

Too bad it doesn’t exist.

~Little Spoon

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