Who Is Denzel Crocker?

What is going on in this man’s life and why has he not been fired yet? The strange conundrum that hold within his persona is that he is perceived to be crazy by all in his assumptions that fairy godparents exist, but since he is right and knows it, he is actually driven crazy by no one believing him. Strange how that works.

So let’s take a look at what is happening with this dude central right quick. He’s an elementary school teacher that everyone knows to be borderline the craziest person in the world, but how did he get to this point? Well…fun fact. He used to have fairy godparents as a kid and their names were Cosmo and Wanda. If you have not seen the episode in which that was revealed, you may be as surprised as Timmy Turner was. So anyways, as happens with every kid when they lose their god parents, Crocker’s memory of having them was entirely erased. Here’s the kicker. Knowing that it was going to happen, he wrote a note for himself that fairies existed, thus starting the path that led him to where he is today. Genius or life-ruining? You be the judge.

Anywho, this kid grows up and is essentially the saddest sack you’ve ever seen. You know that one friend that everyone has and they secretly hate? Crocker is like a hundred steps worse than that. We’re talking about a guy that got kicked out of a ninja academy, wanted to become a cat burglar and has been banned from the city of Cincinnati since the age of 23 (reasons unknown)

After his banning from Cincinatti, Crocker lived a much darker life. He moved to Detroit wherein he got real into serious drugs, notably crack. In a recent interview he said that these guys were “the only people that would hear me out” with regards to his belief in fairies. So he got mixed in with them. No word has been released as to whether he still does these drugs, though many are concerned that he very much so is still a druggie.

In his time in Detroit it is rumored that he knocked up some bimbo who 9 months later gave birth to Mandark. Whether this is true or not, I’d certainly believe it. I mean can’t you see the family resemblance? I sure can.

Anywho, back to his life of academia. Denzel was actually a pretty unreal scientist, talk about a lot of talent going to waste. Classic case. As an undergrad at the premiere Dimmsdale University kid was workin on a project that was going to straight lift him to the top. Investors and scientists around the world came to peep this guy but when he told them that he was building devices to prove the existence of fairies, everyone wrote him off as a fool (causing Dinkelberg to win all of the investments).

by the way…why didn’t these investors just say “Yo dawg just chill it with the fairy bullshit and build us real useful things and we’ll pay you shit tons.” –Who knows, maybe they did and he declined. You gotta understand this man’s passion.

Anyways after struggling to keep other teaching jobs he ended up at Dimmsdale Elementary school  and I have no idea how this man hasn’t gotten fired. He has got to be the worst teacher in the history of the world, and you’re going to put this psychopath in charge of nine year olds? You have got to be kidding me. The principal hates him and could get him fired at any time. He gives out Fs like its his job (some could argue that it is but it really isn’t. My elementary school didn’t really have grades that way and I don’t think most should) He lives and breathes to torture kids, handing out detentions willy-nilly. If everyone is so suspicious of him and evreyone knows that the man, how does he keep his job?

Furthermore, this has nothing to do with his personality, but the man is just a straight up ugly motherfucker.  He’s got miserable teeth and not to mention his severely hunched back. Also what’s that thing on his neck? Is that his ear? What is it doing down there? (to be fair some people aka Timmy Turner’s Dad find Mr. Crocker to be gorgeous, but for the most part…) All things considered, though, the man is quite brilliant. The fairy  shit he has invented actually works and actually tracks down fairies.

This is a classic Doofenshmirtz/Eddy scenario in that they make things that work but they’re plans just get foiled completely. You almost gotta feel bad for these guys because they get the set up correct, they just can’t finish. Sorta like me when I play basketball. I can drive to the hoop, but I don’t remember the last time I made a shot that I took. Mighta been back in the days of the mini plastic hoops that you could blatantly dunk on. Denzel, sorry I’m not sorry that no one believes you about fairies. It really is one of the true tragedies of our generations. No one has ever sided with this guy for a second and though,  hey you know what, he’s actually right. As objective third-party observers, shouldn’t we be at least somewhat entitled to pitying this guy? I guess overall though he’s just an asshole so who cares.

Take what you will.

~Little Spoon

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