How Did The Krusty Krab Get To Where It Is?

There are many reasons as to why the Krusty Krab is the finest eating establishment ever established for eating in and around the Bikini Bottom area. But how did it get to this point? You may not realize it, but there are some baffling inconsistencies that even the greatest of minds could not decipher. To prove my point, I’ll start with what is presently right in the KK as it were.

First off, they have the greatest frycook of all time. How many frycooks would you want the autograph of? Just one. Spongebob Squarepants. He has been slated as a frycooking legend. I don’t know about you, but I would do nearly anything for even one bite of a Krabby Patty. There is research to prove taht the only people that don’t like them have never tried them. Talk about a solid statistic right there. I don’t really know how its possible to be THAT good at frycooking, but for all of you future frycooks, take note. We’re talking a guy that out frycooked Neptune God of the Sea.

Now this is all good and well, but even the best frycook can’t succeed without the help of a true entrepeneur. Mr Krabs brought up the Krusty Krab on his own, and is arguably the most successful businessman in Bikini Bottom (other than those found in Fancy Living Digest). But look at the facts. Krabs bought out a rundown retirement home (The Rusty Krab), painted the letter K and called it a restaurant. Genius, penny pinching move. Moreover, some may forget that he invented the Krabby Patty. His business tactics are unparalleled. He offers refunds to unsatisfied customers but puts it in the smallest print possible so no one (except Bubble Bass) ever catches on. He has also been known to charge his employees for lolligagging on the job, including fines for shoe-tying and breathing. His restaurant comes fully equipped with High Efficiency Liquid Transfer Machines and one of the most important rules in the restaurant is “No Free Napkins.” Sure, the man is cheap, but people still pay for his food and put up with his bull. The man never hesitates to try to make an extra penny, offering delivery services and pizza on a whim (2 things that don’t exist within the parameters of the establishment). Seriously, though, I challenge you to call a fast food place and order a large pepperoni pizza for delivery. Highly doubtful that you’ll get anywhere with that. The man holds comedy shows, variety shows, and even once built a theme park for children. He isn’t the nicest, most understanding individual, but he is a businessman and that’s just what a fast-food joint like the Krusty Krab needs. He isn’t even afraid to admit his shortcomings, admitting on several occasions that he is cheap, AND in his very low-budget commercial he used the catchy jingle “Krusty Krab, come spend your money here!” Audacious to say the least.

Then there’s Squidward…he’s a cashier. And basically, since he doesn’t fuck that up, it doesn’t ruin the pre-existing dynamic.

So with all of this, you may be wondering why I am skeptical. Well let me put it this way…How did it become successful BEFORE Spongebob gained employment? Take a look at what happens when Spongebob leaves the restaurant. It usually involves Squidward literally being the worst frycook the world has ever seen. He burns everyone’s food, like till it is straight black. Customers have reported their burgers tasting like fried boots. One customer even received a fried boot from Squidward. Another customer complained about having a burnt milkshake. I don’t know what the hell goes on when Squidward tries to cook, but it is beyond excusable.

Who made the Krabby Patties before Spongebob came by? It clearly wasn’t Squidward, and there is no mention ever of a previous employee leaving town. When Sponge was applying for the job, it didn’t seem like Krabs was in any rush to get a new frycook, I mean he  essentially tried to force Spongebob to fail the application process. One might submit that Mr Krabs could have cooked them, and then decided to just move to a higher position. But that begs the question why Eugene wouldn’t work the grill when Spongebob is gone. I’ve worked at a restaurant before, and trust me, managers will take over if need be, and I’m certain if Mr Krabs had it in him, he would cook instead of Squidward so as not to lose money. I question Mr Krabs’ skills after seeing the appetizer he prepared when Squid pretended to have a 5-star restaurant going on.

If we overlook that point, I’m still not convinced on the alleged successes of the Krusty Krab. They seem completely understaffed. 3 people in the whole building? You have got to be kidding me. How they manage to serve the food, keep the restaurant clean and in running order AND allow days off for their employees is beyond anything I can comprehend. With no backup frycook, how Spongebob isn’t working every minute of his life makes no sense. Then, when Mr. Krabs decided to make the Krusty Krab 24 hours, what was he thinking? You can’t just keep your staff on hand every minute of the day. (On that note, why would someone come for a job interview at like 3 in the morning?)

However he does it, Mr Krabs is just a financial genius. He is clearly pulling some sort of sabermetric calculations to run a tight ship. He somehow has avoided the many potential lawsuits that could come his way. I mean there have been upwards of 100 customer injuries in the Krusty Krab, including burn victims, probably head injuries, and most commonly broken leg. With a motto like “The Money is always right” you are bound to do something correctly.

~Little Spoon

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