A certain thing has come to my attention that I don’t think enough people are talking about. So I pose this question to you: what happened to corn rows? I know we all can think back to the glory days (roughly ’98-’04) when wearing jerseys was cool, headbands were more than in fashion, music was actually good, spinners were appreciated, Nickelodeon didn’t suck, and everyone who had any amount of swagger about them rocked corn rows at least briefly. But I ask you, what happened here? Why did we exhibit a cultural shift where these things went away, and we chose to replace them with the likes of OneDirection, iCarly, and Madagascar 3? Of course I could go forever on this topic as you all know, but today I will stick with corn rows. Let’s start by looking at some of the greatest corn rows of all time.
The man from B2K straight killed it with these cornrows, and not a single person can deny this one. I mean it also helps that he is a beast, was in an unreal R&B group, and disgusting at dancing.
We all remember these, but we all kinda wish we didn’t. Sean Paul was an idiot. Don’t get me wrong, I used to bump his jams left, right, and center (still do when necessary), but he just looked real dumb with these.
Bow Wow and Lil’ Romeo:
These kids were unreal. And they killed it with the cornrows for sure. The kid’s version of the 2Pac/Biggie debate, except not really because obviously Bow Wow was a million times cooler, and his basketball movie outshined Romeo’s basketbal show, and his music was absolutely better, and he had more longevity, and probably got and still gets with hotter women yadda yadda yadda… Romeo’s got some great braids though.
The thing about Luda is that his cornrows were very signifcant with respect and regards to his music career. The more hair he had, whether absurd afro or unreal cornrows, the better his music was. Let’s be honest, we were all real disappointed when his great return and revival was Money Maker, a bald, poor man’s version of the Luda we knew and love back in the Word of Mouf hey-day. (Also go back and peep the tracklist from Word of Mouf , if you haven’t in a while you will be absolutely shocked how many jams they were able to pack into one CD)
Are you kidding me? Probably the sexiest thing in the entire multiverse. Okay, maybe not really, but certainly way up there. When I say cornrows, I don’t usually think of women, but you can’t ignore Miss Keys on this one. Really the only downside from this was that from her, other girls felt like cornrows were okay for them too, so you started seeing 7th grade girls rocking the stupid hairstyle of cornrows going about halfway down the head, maybe with beads all over it. If you are a girl and you are reading this, I guarantee you thought it was cool once.
Now, this is a tricky one. Was this awesome or was it a dumb, terrible move? I’ll be honest, he made me want to get cornrows. I saw that, and I was like “alright, cool white people can do cornrows” but what we have to remember in assessing this is that I am an absolute idiot with really no sense of style. So I’m gonna give Bronson a thumbs-up on this one, though others will probably disagree.
If cornrows are the question, he is definitely The Answer. If you thought I wouldn’t mention him in this one, you should probably not be reading this post anyways. He was the god of cornrows, really no ifs or buts about it. Let’s not forget that he was absolutely disgusting when he had these, and was one of the coolest people of all time. I proudly rocked my A.I. jersey back in the day, and I looked up to him when I thought I was good at basketball (made the 8th grade all-star game somehow though)
This post is getting long so I will stop here. But if you notice one trend, it should be that none of these people has cornrows anymore. Everyone stopped rockin them, but why? Noone asked them to, and certainly no one wanted them to. Is it the difficulty of maintenance? Am I too lost in an era that it’s time to move on from? I don’t know. These things don’t have easy answers, but I will tell you this, if people ever want to make cornrows cool again, they have my full support.
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